The pitfall of pity

Readers,

How often do we engage in self pity?

Has it ever been a productive use of our time or energy?

How often have you encouraged your children, sibling, parents or friends to engage in self pity when things are not perfect in their lives?

I have personally never met anyone who has encouraged me to engage in self pity and hope that no reader has either.

The difficulty that self pitying people have is that they are stuck in the problem rather than working on a solution. The reality is that any problem that anyone is facing is only a problem if they choose to see it that way. A better way to perceive non ideal situations are as challenges or opportunities for growth.

The interesting thing about pity is that though people almost universally agree that it is counter productive when done for yourself and generally don't like to be pitied by others, they often grant themselves an exception to pity others.

The problem with pitying other people is that you create an impression that you are better than they are and that the person you are pitying is helpless and incapable.

I would like to share a story to help clarify the point.

Wilma Rudolph who suffered a very difficult start to life was famously told by her doctors as a child that she would never walk normally for her whole life. If ever there was a good reason to pity someone, it's your child daughter who has received such heartbreaking news.

What happened? Her mother didn't pity her and didn't allow her to engage in self pity. Not only did she learn to walk normally, she learnt to run and incredibly fast. In fact, she became the fastest woman in her life.

Could this have been achieved through receiving pity from her mother?

I would like to conclude by saying that although pity is a bad thing, showing and feeling mercy and compassion are both good things. What's the difference between compassion and pity?

Compassion is a feeling shared about somebody you consider equal to you and you actually do actions to help.

Pity is a feeling born out of feeling superior to someone with no real desire to make their situation any better.

To conclude, the only people who should be pitied are those who themselves engage in self pity and even then it should be because of their engagement in self pity rather than the reason for the self pity and the pity should be felt in the heart rather than expressed.

Well, that's my opinion anyway :)