Coping with bereavement

How do you console someone when you are yourself in grief?

What words do you use when all the words sound empty and hollow when played in your mind?

Is silence better? How can it be when it can be misinterpreted for a lack of compassion - the furthest thing from the truth?

Some people are naturally great comforters. Most of us are so emotionally uneducated that we choose silence lest we say the wrong thing.

I haven't wept for a bereavement in my family in my 30+ years of life. Yet I have wept on the bereavement of the family of my prophet (pbuhaf) over and over again. While I have a new appreciation to God for the blessing of feeling grief for the injustice done to his prophets family, I am ill prepared on how to deal with the bereavement in my family.

Tears flow day and night and yet I have to say alhamdulillah. Our own bodies and souls are gifts to us which are both temporary and undeserved. How then about our children? From God both we and our children came and to God must we return.

I will end with a quote from God almighty Himself when He said in the Quran which was sent as a mercy and guidance for us till the end of time:

2:155 - 157

155. And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.).

156. Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: "Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return."

157. They are those on whom are the Salawat (i.e. blessings, etc.) (i.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided-ones.

The power to be kind

Hi everyone,

I have always thought of myself as a well mannered and reasonably kind person, but was taken aback by a stranger's kindness to me so thought I'd share the story in the hope that it may inspire others to reflect and perhaps even seek out opportunities to be kind to others.

I needed a base for my baby car seat so found one advertised on gum tree with a car seat as well for only £20.

As I was unsure whether the universal base would fit my car seat I was quite pleased that it was being sold with the car seat too.

A brand new base alone is around £40 and all the other adverts were selling just the seat for more.

When I went to the gentleman's house to buy the goods, he spent 10 minutes showing me how it all worked. This was in spite of the fact that it was raining quite heavily while we installed the base into my car.  He had also machine washed it for me too.

When it came time to pay, I gave him £30 rather than the  £20 agreed because of how delighted I was with both the product and his service.

Being a follower of the ahlul bayt  (as), I was once taught at mosque that you should always agree a price before the work starts to avoid disappointment on the workers part and also to always pay a little more than the agreed price to foster good will and it stuck with me.

This gentleman refused the extra  £10 and beautifully told me to use it to buy something for my baby instead.

I walked away with a richer spirit and appreciation for the capacity for human kindness and the extra  £10 in my wallet meant less than  £10 in my wallet ever felt before.

I hope that you have found this post enjoyable and inspiring. If so, go and find someone to be kind to for no reason whatsoever :)

Reflections from a visit to the dentist

Readers,

I went to the dentist yesterday morning and thought that I would share some reflections with you all.

The first point that I think is worth making is that my teeth were not hurting or damaged. I went for a check up that I have been trying to do twice a year for the last few years. Prevention is better than cure is an old saying that many are able to quote, but very few execute in their behaviour for many areas of our lives.

The second point is that my appointment was supposed to be at 9, but I didn't actually get seen till 9 10 which resulted in me getting to work a little late. This made me realise that I should always allow more time at appointments to cater for others poor time keeping.

It also reminded me of the importance of maintaining my own punctuality because I would not want to be the cause of someone else being frustrated and late for meetings scheduled after mine.

Finally, I love the feeling of teeth cleaned by the dentist. It costs less than £20, leaves your teeth looking much healthier, your spirits lifted and your will power a new lease of life to start taking the sort of care of your teeth that you know deep down inside you ought to.

Have yourselves a blessed day and try and pop down to the dentist too if you are overdue :-)

The power to leave people and places in a better condition than you found them

Dear readers,

I have heard the saying "leave every place better than you found it" many times over, but yesterday evening it hit home for the first time.

I bought some milk from the supermarket on the way home from work and asked the sales assistant for cashback with my transaction.

When the receipt printed, he handed me a pen and asked me to initial the receipt next to the cashback. As I duly obliged, I realised that the pen was purple.

I jokingly asked the gentleman why he had a purple coloured pen. He laughed and told me that it was not his. He had borrowed it from his female colleague working next to him. I smiled and walked away with my milk.

As I was walking away, I heard him laughing with his colleague about the purple pen and that is when it hit home.

I had unwittingly left that person in a better conditions than I found him. I found him smiling and left him laughing.

This left me feeling really warm and fuzzy inside and keen to experience the same feeling again.

We all have ups and downs, but making a point to regularly make others happy even if only fleetingly are the moments that make the world a special place to live.

I wanted to share this experience because perhaps it might inspire others to actively try and leave places and people in a better condition than they found it.

Peace

New year resolutions

Dear readers

A new year beckons and so does a new opportunity arise to become a "new you".

Many people fail to realise that every day represents a new life in the mind of the wise.

In any case, a lot of people will be making resolutions and so I thought that I would share some thoughts on how to make the most of the good feeling that envelopes this time of year.

1) make a resolution if you are in two minds. You have an infinitely better chance of fulfilling your resolutions if you are able to articulate them and motivated to actually write them down.

2) make a maximum of 3. The more you make, the harder it will be to maintain them all and the moment one fails, the house comes crashing down.

3) write your reasons for wanting to achieve the resolutions and the consequences of failure to do so. This will give your aspirations the legs and heart to grow to fruition.

I wish you all a prosperous 2016 and would love to hear any thoughts or new year resolutions that you would like to share that you feel could help inspire anyone readings.

God bless.

Reflections on attending my first ever funeral

Readers,

At the ripe old age of 32, I experienced my first ever funeral yesterday and would like to share some of my thoughts and feelings with you all.

The first point that I would like to make is that witnessing a lifeless body placed in a box, lowered deep in to the ground and then covered up with mud and stones is probably the most humbling experience I have experienced in my life and would recommend everyone to go and witness a burial as soon as possible if you have not already done so. It certainly helps to put life and it's temporal problems into context.

The second point I would like to share is that knowing someone has died and watching them be buried are two very different things. I acknowledge my mortality daily when I pray 5 times, but the emotional response to watching a burial was something that I was not prepared for and my own emotional response took me by surprise.

The third point I would like to share is one of change. The witnessing of a burial has challenged me to question my own productivity. I have always known that I should be sowing more productive seeds with my limited time on Earth, but my goodness if ever a reminder of how short life is was needed, the message was received.

Finally, I was lucky that the first funeral service I attended was for a comparatively distant relative. Though it was my father's blood brother, he lived quite far away and so I rarely met him. I am determined to forge a closer relationship with the cemetery by trying to visit at least once a month. This will hopefully build up my character to be able to cope with human mortality in the future.

Thanks for reading and I hope that this post hasbeen of some benefit to you.

If today was your last day on Earth, what would you do?

Readers,

I have heard of so many deaths in the last few days ranging from babies to elderly men who have arguably had "a good innings".

The reality is though that death is never greeted with anything but shock and disappointment from friends and family.

We live in a world where death is guaranteed and yet we wilfully neglect to acknowledge that each day we wake up in the morning may well be our last.

How would you classify a successful day?

Does it include telling your loved ones that you love them?

Does it include savouring the taste of the food you eat?

Does it include reading something to enhance your education and spiritual growth?

Who do you want to be when you die?

The question worth asking every night is "am I closer or further away from the person I wish to be on my last day on Earth?"T

How often do we engage in contemplating about our own death and in effect the quality of our own lives?

I would like to end this post with a quote from the Prophet Muhammad  (peace be upon him and his family)

"The most intelligent person is the one who remembers death often".